Learn To Trust Yourself and Others

“I think at first I trust someone until I fear them leaving…and then I lose trust for no reason at all.”
– Haley, age 25

Many women who grew up in divorced homes wonder why they continually seem to pick the wrong guys. Even if they find themselves in a reasonably healthy relationship, daughters of divorce still may be unable to completely trust their partners. Sometimes, their partners are simply untrustworthy based on their past actions, so they have reason to feel leery. Other times, the initial breakdown in childhood has caused women to lack trust in their romantic partners.

 

When women mistrust their partners, they are not simply distressed at the thought of becoming victims of infidelity. Mistrustful women hold the fundamental belief that their partner does not have their best interest at heart. Daughters of divorce may doubt their partners truly love them. They may believe the person they fell in love with will waiver in their devotion. They may think that he will change, and they’ll be left wondering what happened to the man they fell in love with. Most of all, women who mistrust their partners are filled with fear of abandonment.

Mistrust comes in many forms, from suspecting partners of infidelity to fearing that they’ll abandon you emotionally or physically. Some women become “relationship junkies,” looking for men to salve their wounds. Others avoid the option of finding love entirely for fear of being hurt. Trust is an act of courage, but it is the most crucial step to building a satisfying and lasting relationship. It’s also important to keep in mind that trust is a skill that can be learned.

I’d love to read your comments on this page. Be sure to order our new book “Daughters of Divorce: Overcome The Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship.”



7 Responses to “Learn To Trust Yourself and Others”

  1. Chris says:

    This is my first time I’ve visited here. I found a lot of interesting stuff in your site. From the quantity of comments on your posts, I guess I am not the only one! keep up the impressive work.

  2. greetings from Arizona! 😉

  3. Mitch says:

    Hey I really liked reading your articles.

  4. Another issue is that when we mistrust a new relationship, we may be making them pay for damage from another relationship. That doesn’t set any new relationship up for success.

    • Terry says:

      Very good point Robyn! Fortunately trust is a skill that can be learned. As you know, you read an excerpt from our chpater “Courage to Trust” and we discuss the issue of mistrust being carried over into other relationships in this chapter. I’m so happy to hear from you! Best, Terry

  5. Patricia says:

    Divorce truly fractures our ability to trust in every way. Especially the ability to trust ourselves. If we cannot trust our feelings, emotions, and our relationships with our friends and families, chances are we won’t trust a partner or potential partner either. Looking forward to your book!

    • Terry says:

      Thanks for your comments Patricia. Trust is an act of courage and we need to learn to trust our own judgement. Trust is often scattered post-divorce and as a result of being raised in a fractured home – or both. These experiences can imprint our heart and it needs to be healed. Keep in touch and watch for our book hitting the bookshelves in 2013! Best, Terry

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