Just a week after announcing her divorce from Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore was interviewed for the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar, stating that her greatest fear is finding that she is “not lovable.” Moore went on to say, “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me . . . and that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.” On their sixth wedding anniversary, it is rumored that Kutcher spent the night with another woman, ending their marriage. Moore was also married to Bruce Willis for thirteen years and she also had a brief marriage which ended in the 1980s. Now nearly 50 years old, she remains one of the most celebrated actresses in Hollywood, with all the fame, money, and success one could ask for — but fear plagues her.
It’s no secret that Moore endured a tumultuous childhood, and experienced divorce in her own upbringing. Despite her beauty, talent, and success, she’s just like many women who have experienced divorce in their lives. The way you feel about the woman you are today is a direct result of how you felt about yourself as a child. Growing up in a divorced home can forever alter your self-worth, what you expect from others, and what you expect from yourself. Without healthy models in childhood, it becomes increasingly difficult to develop healthy relationships as an adult.
Divorce provides its victims with an ultimate feeling of rejection. Although logically you may know you did nothing to deserve the pain of divorce, your heart feels otherwise. While there are many ways to improve self-esteem, being kind to yourself along the journey to healing is incredibly important. Being able to assert yourself and speak up for what you need is perhaps the most powerful way to overcome feelings of self-doubt, or as Moore put it, feelings of being “unlovable.” While Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher probably had far more pressure than the average couple, their story is not so different from the stories of many others. On the road to moving past divorce, it is crucial to remember that you are not a victim, and you have control over the choices you make and who to let into your life.
Demi Moore was asked by the interviewer for Harper’s Bizarre what freedom meant to her. “To not be defined by your wounds . . . that’s freedom,” she said. And perhaps that’s the most significant thing to remember when moving on from any major loss in life. Losses can bring out great strength. In announcing her divorce from Kutcher, Demi Moore stated that there were certain values she held sacred in her life, and certainly self-respect must be one, as she has chosen to move out of a relationship that no longer met her needs. For those struggling to move past divorce, remember that you need not be defined by your wounds, but by what you have overcome.