Courteney Cox and David Arquette: Still Friends

David Arquette filed for divorce from Courteney Cox last week, the same week Courteney turned 48 and their adorable daughter Coco turned 8. They separated back in 2010, and would have celebrated 13 years of marriage on June 19 had they not filed papers this week. “Irreconcilable differences” was listed as the reason for the split, but it seems evident to onlookers that they simply changed over time. When they announced their separation they stated, “The reason for this separation is to better understand ourselves and the qualities we need in a partner and for our marriage.” Evidently, over time, it was clear they weren’t the right partner for one another.

Even after their separation, Courteney referred to David as her “very best friend” and cheered him on in the audience, with their daughter, during his appearances on “Dancing with the Stars.” And just a couple days ago, after divorce papers had been filed and Courteney had petitioned to have Arquette removed as her legal name, the family was spotted out having lunch together. It was Courteney Cox’s 48th birthday, and while she could have chosen to have lunch with just about anyone, she chose to have it with the man that didn’t want to be her husband anymore.

They almost make their divorce seem enviable! So rarely do you see couples who divorce and remain truly amicable. Their relationship has certainly changed since the day they exchanged wedding vows, but they still love and respect each other and have not let their relationship turn toxic. While it seems they’ve fallen out of love, they have come to a place of acceptance and understanding about the role they are to have in each other’s lives, and their daughterCocois the one who will benefit.

It is important to remember when you have children and are going through divorce, your relationship with your ex-spouse is not ending, it is just changing. With the demise of a marriage, there can undoubtedly be hurt feelings and resentment, but it’s important to find something you can admire and respect in your ex-spouse for the sake of your child.  Keep in mind these important points as you try to co-parent:

  • Never make your child the messenger. Don’t rely on your child to be a communication tool with your ex-spouse. This can make your child feel caught in the middle and obligated to satisfy their opposing parents’ concerns.
  • Keep a positive outlook. Even if you have hurt about the past, resist the temptation to speak badly of your spouse. It will only serve to make the divorce harder for your child.
  • Use consistent ground rules. Kids benefit from consistency. If your child is spending time between two households, try to implement similar discipline and expectations. Showing a united front will foster a sense of safety in your child’s changing world.

Although not all couples are destined to remain “best friends” like Courteney and David, it is possible to develop a peaceful and friendly post-divorce relationship where the interests of the child are at the forefront. It may take time and commitment, but you won’t regret building a respectful partnership with your ex-spouse.

Tracy Clifford

Are you still friends with your ex? How have you managed to keep things amicable? Tell us in the comments!

Be sure to order my new book “Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship.”

 



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