Six months ago, my boyfriend and I of three years moved in together. Taking your advice, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before making this decision. I asked him if he could see himself marrying me, and he said he could, he just wanted more time to so he could establish his career and have more financial stability. So although I don’t have a ring on my finger, he gave me the sense that he wanted to get married too. But the idea that I know on some level it’s a “trial run” makes me wonder if moving in together was a good idea. I almost feel like I’m auditioning for the role of being his wife. I know it sounds silly, but I worry that if he thinks my cooking sucks, or the condo is not clean enough, or we don’t have enough sex, he might change his mind about me. I don’t like the idea of my behaviors being judged and evaluated, or of having to prove myself.
I guess the bottom line is that living together does not give me the same sense of security that I think marriage would. My parents were divorced and so were his, which has caused both of us to have issues with commitment. Although he is open to marriage, I don’t think it’s as much of a priority for him as it is for me. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, like “Propose to me in six months or I’m leaving.” But I also wonder if I made the wrong decision to live with him, since it’s causing so much anxiety.
– Nicole, age 28