“I think at first I trust someone until I fear them leaving…and then I lose trust for no reason at all.”
– Haley, age 25
Many women who grew up in divorced homes wonder why they continually seem to pick the wrong guys. Even if they find themselves in a reasonably healthy relationship, daughters of divorce still may be unable to completely trust their partners. Sometimes, their partners are simply untrustworthy based on their past actions, so they have reason to feel leery. Other times, the initial breakdown in childhood has caused women to lack trust in their romantic partners.
When women mistrust their partners, they are not simply distressed at the thought of becoming victims of infidelity. Mistrustful women hold the fundamental belief that their partner does not have their best interest at heart. Daughters of divorce may doubt their partners truly love them. They may believe the person they fell in love with will waiver in their devotion. They may think that he will change, and they’ll be left wondering what happened to the man they fell in love with. Most of all, women who mistrust their partners are filled with fear of abandonment.
Mistrust comes in many forms, from suspecting partners of infidelity to fearing that they’ll abandon you emotionally or physically. Some women become “relationship junkies,” looking for men to salve their wounds. Others avoid the option of finding love entirely for fear of being hurt. Trust is an act of courage, but it is the most crucial step to building a satisfying and lasting relationship. It’s also important to keep in mind that trust is a skill that can be learned.
I’d love to read your comments on this page. Be sure to order our new book “Daughters of Divorce: Overcome The Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship.”