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8 Key Ways We Derail Love

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT Although we seek love, we may unwittingly damage or derail it. Surprisingly, our fear of not being loved, which includes fear of abandonment, loneliness, and rejection, can lead to eight common behaviors that sabotage love and relationships. When we lack self-love, although we may have relationships, generally they’re unfulfilling or

How To Create a More Amicable, Low-Conflict Divorce!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Anyone going through divorce knows it inevitably stirs up charged emotions — some anticipated and others unexpected. And when children are involved, the process is exponentially more complex and challenging. One of the biggest battlegrounds revolve around child custody and child support. Even if you’re fighting about the children, it’s never

12 Tips to Self-Love and Compassion

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT The idea of self-love and self-nurturing baffles most people, especially codependents, who by and large, received inadequate parenting. The word “nurture” comes from the Latin nutritus, meaning to suckle and nourish. It also means to protect and foster growth. For young children, this usually falls to the mother, however, the

10 Ways Technology Can Negatively Impact Your Relationships

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW As technology plays an increasingly integral role in our lives, the paradox at the heart of constantly “being connected” is becoming clearer every day. Indeed, with the rise of smart phones and the proliferation of social media, we’re simultaneously discovering new ways to meet people and stay in touch, while also

How Mistrust Can Destroy a Marriage and What to Do About It

By Terry Gaspard Trust and intimacy form the foundation of a lasting marriage. When couples bring baggage such as infidelity or trauma from the past, it can set the stage for mistrust. That’s why it’s crucial that you allow yourself to be vulnerable and discuss breaches of trust when they occur. If you can listen

Opposites Attract But Can They Stay Together?

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW From the time I started dating at age sixteen, I’ve often found myself attracted to my polar opposite – for better and for worse. Likewise, I’ve counseled many couples who are drawn to their opposite because of strong chemistry but find day to day married life a struggle due to conflicting

6 Ways to Make Small Gestures Count in Your Marriage

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW If you think you need grand gestures to show your spouse love you may be mistaken. In fact, many studies speak to the fact that the secret to long-lasting love are small gestures such as cooking your partner a meal or cleaning up afterwards without him or her asking you to

Children of Divorce Often Embrace The Abuse They See

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC When children are exposed to domestic violence in the home, they often mimic the behavior they see or experience. This means the boys often grow up to become abusers, and the girls grow up to marry them. Most mental health experts who work with victims of physical and sexual assault believe

The Pros and Cons of Prenups

Marriage is a beautiful and romantic experience where two people come together, but it is also, functionally, a legal agreement. No one should enter marriage lightly, and though it might “ruin the mood,” both parties should prepare for the worst-case scenario. This article will explain what a prenuptial agreement is, what it can and cannot

How Attachment Style Determines Your Choices in a Partner

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT Your attachment style and degree of individuation determine your partnership choices and relationship satisfaction. The process of individuation—becoming an individual—allows you to meet your needs for both attachment and autonomy necessary for healthy relationships. It starts in the first year of life, as we learn that we’re separate from our

5 Healthy Ways to Fill the Void After Divorce

By Lisa Arends From the chilled and vacant bed to the endless evening hours to the loss of a trusted confidant, the void left in your life after divorce can be both vast and agonizing. The emptiness begs to be filled, the cracks call for smoothing over and you try to distract yourself from staring

6 Ways to Stop Being Defensive with Your Partner

By Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW During tough conversations, it’s helpful to choose battles wisely and to distinguish between petty issues and important ones. Many experts agree that bickering can lead to the demise of a relationship. It’s like chronic warfare that erodes the quality of a relationship and makes it tough to discuss difficult topics.

8 Ways to Deal with Flooding and Manage Conflict with Your Partner 

By Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW Many of the couples I counsel find that they fall into cyclical and unhealthy patterns when conflict arises. Fights occur and reoccur that concern the same issues, and often play out in the same ways, with this unfortunate dynamic causing one or both partners to make regrettable comments. For instance,

Divorce Warning Signs – Taking An Honest Look Back

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC From time to time when talking to clients they tell me they were caught off guard by their divorce. Some even proclaim their spouses left them “one day, without any warning!” I usually respond by asking: is that actually true? Was there really no warning? Upon deeper reflection, in most every

How to Leave a Narcissist or Abuser

When we fall in love, it’s natural to become attached and form a romantic bond. But once in love with a narcissist, it’s not easy to leave, despite the abuse. Although you’re unhappy, you may be ambivalent about leaving because you still love your partner, have young children, lack resources, and/or enjoy lifestyle benefits. Outsiders