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Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon to Selfhood

Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon to Selfhood

By Darlene, Lancer, JD, LMFT When we first met, I told my husband I was very “adaptable.” I didn’t realize the price of being a chameleon until I started recovery and my journey of individuation. By then I was dead inside. I’d spent years adapting to abuse and...

5 Ways to Get Past Your Breakup

5 Ways to Get Past Your Breakup

By Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW When a romantic relationship or marriage ends, it’s natural to experience feelings of rejection, anger, sadness, guilt, or regret. Self-defeating thoughts can grab hold because you’re vulnerable and trying to make sense of things. However,...

How Do I Let Go of Someone Who Treats Me Badly?

How Do I Let Go of Someone Who Treats Me Badly?

By Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW Letting go of toxic relationships is never easy. Yet with self-awareness and tools, you can begin to value yourself enough to set better boundaries with a partner. It is possible to end a romantic relationship that is self-defeating,...

Is Demonizing Divorce Justifiable?

Is Demonizing Divorce Justifiable?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce is rarely an outcome married couples expect or anticipate. But marital strife can take its toll and for many, divorce is the chosen path for coping with relationship challenges. This makes divorce a rather controversial topic. Google...

6 Ways to Let Go of a Grudge Toward Your Ex-Spouse

6 Ways to Let Go of a Grudge Toward Your Ex-Spouse

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW One of the biggest problems with ongoing resentment in post-divorce relationships is that it often leads to withdrawal and poor communication. And if you’re bottling up feelings of anger, sadness, or disappointment often, this can lead to...

What is a Trauma Bond?

What is a Trauma Bond?

By Darlene Lancer, LMFT A trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame,...

Putting an End to Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Relationship

Putting an End to Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Relationship

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW In many cases, relationships are ruled by the routine interactions that couples have during the course of their lives together. These interchanges can either foster healthy communication and loving feelings, or subvert a couples’ chance at...

How Accepting Influence Can Improve Your Relationship

How Accepting Influence Can Improve Your Relationship

By Terry Gaspard, LICSW During a recent couples counseling session, Melissa, 48, and Tom, 52, describe the gridlock that they experience when they are unable to compromise. They’ve been remarried for five years and often struggle with influencing each other in a...

Helping Divorced Parents Cope With Conflicting Lifestyles

Helping Divorced Parents Cope With Conflicting Lifestyles

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC As a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach I continually get asked questions from concerned parents. One of the questions recently sent to me focused on an issue that many divorced parents face with mounting frustration. It had to do with this...

Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon to Selfhood

The Codependent False Self

Codependents don’t realize that they’re living from their false self. Because the false self isn’t real, you might feel anxious trying to be accepted by others or believe that they can see through you or are judging you. There’s an immediacy and aliveness in living...