By Tracy Clifford

If you’ve gone through a divorce or breakup, there’s a persistent question that might linger in your mind: Will I be alone forever? If you’ve ever asked yourself this question, know that you’re not alone, and it’s completely normal to feel this way. When you lose the comfort of a relationship, it can feel like the earth is shaking beneath your feet. Nothing feels as safe as it once did. The future can feel like a vast unknown, and you are there to face it alone.

Have you had some dates since your divorce that just haven’t worked out? Or have you been on your own for a really long time, and wonder if you’ll ever meet your match? In a world where it might feel like everyone is coupled up, know that your experience is actually very common. One of the hardest things about being single is finding someone you can really connect with. Think about the people you encounter each day. How many do you really share a part of yourself with? When you think about it, even though you’re surrounded by people in your daily interactions, there are probably few people in this world you can truly be yourself with. It’s a precious and rare thing. And it should be.

Will you be alone forever? The honest answer is that I don’t know, and neither do you. But if you’re taking active steps to connect with people around you, chances are you won’t be single for the rest of your life. Whenever I face fear or anxiety about a situation I can’t control, I tell myself one simple phrase, and it’s transformed my life. This is just a feeling. It doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because you feel like you might be alone forever, doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It’s just a feeling. And the wonderful thing about feelings is that they’re usually not grounded in reason. And feelings can be changed.

So if you’re afraid of being alone forever, I’d like to challenge you a little bit and say: So what? There’s more to you than that. Tell me about the other relationships in your life. Tell me about the hobbies and passions that sustain you. Tell me what you day dream about. What makes you interesting? What more is there to you than the person who is afraid they’ll be alone forever? Because I can promise you, there’s a lot more to you.

We’d love to read your comments on this page. Be sure to order our new book “Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship.”