Envy, Jealousy, and Shame

By Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Envy, jealousy, and shame are inextricably intertwined. Envy and jealousy are primal emotions that frequently overlap. They’re commonly first felt in the form of sibling rivalry and oedipal longings. A child innately wants mommy and daddy all to him or herself and feels “excluded” from the marital bond, especially if there have been parenting deficits that have led to shame and emotional abandonment. Typically, young children of heterosexual parents see their same-sex parent as a rival for their opposite parent’s love and feel both envious and jealous of their same-sex parent. Similarly, an interloper in a marriage may feel both jealous and envious toward the spouse he or she wishes to replace, possibly re-enacting childhood feelings toward his or her parents.

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Copyright @ Darlene Lancer 2013 – All Rights reserved

Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT
Author of Codependency For Dummies ; Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You
Ebooks: 10 Steps to Self-Esteem, Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps
and How To Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits
and Codependency’s Best Daily Reflections
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