Nobody ever imagines that their sparkly new marriage will end up in a bitter divorce when they first say “I do.” But the reality is that many couples will not make it to their tenth anniversary.
Even if getting a divorce was the absolute best idea for you and your ex-spouse, losing the person you thought you’d be with forever is devastating. You watch the life you had planned for yourself slip through your fingers. It can be especially difficult to carry on after separating if you have children with your ex.
So what do you do when your marriage doesn’t turn out like you thought it would? Keep your head up and follow this divorce advice so that you can stay a positive thinker during the hardships in your life.
- Put a Positive Spin on It
Studies show that couples who are in a happy marriage carry less of the stress hormone, cortisol, in their bloodstreams than those who are single or divorced. However, those who are with an unloving, disrespectful spouse may find that their stress levels are going through the roof.
If you have just come out of a toxic marriage it can be helpful to look at the positive, such as:
- No longer dealing with abusive speech and behavior
- Do not have to rely on someone else financially/take care of someone else financially
- Stress levels decrease
- You no longer have to deal with invasive in-laws
- You can watch the shows you want
- More time to pursue your hobbies and goals
- No longer have to report to someone else
- You have more time to focus on your career
- You have the freedom to do whatever you want
- Potential to find a new romantic interest who understands you better
Dealing with divorce is very difficult, but the best divorce advice is to look at the silver lining in your situation. And if you were in a dangerous or frustrating relationship, there are certainly many benefits to being on your own again!
- Let Yourself Grieve
Just because your marriage didn’t last doesn’t mean there weren’t good moments with your ex. After some time has passed and you have properly grieved the loss of your marriage, it can be beneficial to look back fondly on the good parts of your relationship.
Studies show that reminiscing on positive memories can reduce symptoms of depression, contribute to your overall well-being, life satisfaction, and boost self-esteem.
You can’t truly move on from your relationship unless you learn to accept your separation and let go of the past. Instead of looking at all the things your ex did wrong or remembering the ways that they hurt you, try and focus on what you learned from that relationship and use it to grow as a person.
- Embrace Your Social Life
When you were married, you likely had a healthy social life outside of spending time with your partner, but spending time with your spouse was your top priority. Now that you are single, you have more time to spend with your loving friends.
Family and friends can be an invaluable resource to you during your breakup. Studies show that spending time with friends and family after a breakup can significantly lower psychological distress.
- Look for Ways to De-Stress
If you want to be positive after your divorce, you need to start changing your mindset. You can do this by scheduling some serious de-stress activities.
- Get a massage
- Use some lavender essential oils
- Do yoga or meditate
- Get a new pet
- Schedule enough time for sleep
- Eat mood-elevating foods
- Take a bath
- Plan a relaxing vacation
The impacts of divorce on children are seemingly endless. After studying three decades worth of research about family structure, Linacre Quarterly Journal states that “divorce has been shown to diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power.”
A solid piece of divorce advise is the following: Don’t forget to involve your children in your de-stressing process as well. Look for ways to relax them such as by making playdates with friends, taking them on a picnic, to the beach, or having a family game night.
5 Remember Who You Are
When you go through a big change in life, such as a breakup, it can be difficult to remember who you were outside of your relationship.
One of the most important pieces of divorce advice you can follow is to use your breakup as a way to reconnect with yourself. Remember all of the things you used to love to do such as exercise – studies show that it can relieve stress, anxiety, and depression.
It can also be beneficial to journal, play an instrument, and find other hobbies and activities that you used to enjoy – or find new ones that inspire you.
The greatest thing about a divorce is that it gives you the chance to have a clean slate, start over, and be the person you always dreamed of being.
Going through a divorce is one of the hardest things you will ever do, especially if you have children. But by following this divorce advice, you will be able to put a positive spin on your current situation and take control of your life.
Sylvia Smith is a writer who likes to write about relationships and how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. She is currently associated with Marriage.com. She is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt its principles in their relationships. By taking purposeful and intentional action, Sylvia feels any relationship or marriage can be transformed and truly enjoyed.